i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
