apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
