They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
