I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
