Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
