I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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