i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
