Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
