dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
