So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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