that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Vodka?
Forever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
