I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
