Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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