The maid of honor just puked.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
