Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
