I want to walk on stilts...naked
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
