So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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