I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
