Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
