On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
