There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
soo... how was my night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
