I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You pole danced in your parka.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
