The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
