so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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