I just gift wrapped bread.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
