Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
