My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
