that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My vagina is officially offended.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
