I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Terrible idea I love it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
