how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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