I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
