this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
