Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
