I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
