I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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