Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
