lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
