We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
