the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
