my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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