im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
