Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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