last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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