You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I believe in your delicious
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
