Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
