Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
