Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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