I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
