period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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