Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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