She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
