I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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