a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
