Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
