You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
