you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
