buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The air taste purple.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
